Our name is our identity. Something we should own with pride and dignity as it is a crucial factor in developing our sense of self. But when the people around us constantly get it wrong or don’t make an effort to pronounce it correctly, it can subconsciously leave a negative effect on how we perceive ourselves amongst others and can lead to invisibility. This has a particular impact on ethnic minorities. Especially during our formative years as we haven’t fully discovered our identities and are more focused on fitting in.
Rita Kohli and Daniel G. Solórzano research in “Teachers, Please Learn Our Names!: Racial Microaggressions and the K-12 Classrooms” shows that students who feel invisible in the classroom tend to have less academic success than other students. Children need attention and reassurance as they grow up to feel valued. So by people constantly mispronouncing a child’s name, it slowly chips away their self-esteem and can leave negative effects when they are older.
A lot of people have shared their experience with the mispronunciation of their name. In this article, I will shed light on the impacts of mispronouncing an individual’s name through my personal experience. Which is slightly different but has had similar affects.
From the School Playground to the Corporate Office
My personal experience is with my surname – Kulkhanjian – a long and difficult pronunciation for English speaking people. I never expected anyone to get it right. To this day I anglicise the pronunciation of my surname to make it easy for others. Growing up in a small suburban town, I was one of very few ethnic minorities in school. Throughout secondary school, I was picked at and made fun of because of my “unusual” surname. ‘Kulkhanjian’ turned to ‘Kulkfannyhanjian’ which turned to ‘kulkfannyhandjob’ which eventually turned to ‘cockfannyhandjob’.
I never responded to this. Mostly because I couldn’t think of anything worse than drawing more attention to myself and going back and forth with ignorant teens who aren’t interested in getting my name right or its background to begin with. I chose to ignore it and acted as if I didn’t care. Also, the fact that some of my close friends found it funny made me feel even more awkward and excluded. Fortunately, I went on to attend a culturally diverse university where a large number of students also had “unusual” names. I was no longer singled out by my “foreignness” but instead celebrated.
For a long time, I thought my school experience didn’t affect me. Until, I joined the corporate world and experienced different butcherings of my name, on a much more subtle level.
Some Workplace Microaggressions:
- ‘oh I can’t pronounce THAT’
- ‘I’m just going to call you…’ (even after telling them how to pronounce it correctly)
- ‘This is Leah. We don’t try to pronounce her surname.’
Someone even said to me; ‘this is probably very un-PC but… I can’t wait until you get married and change your surname. Haha’. In the moment, I laughed uncomfortably but I truly felt annoyed about how I will remember this nonsensical, passing comment for the rest of my life. I’ve been so used to trying to make the experience of pronouncing my name easy for others and have avoided as much attention around the subject as possible that I haven’t yet been able to call people out when they go too far.
In the workplace, these experiences would trigger old emotions and it was noticeable on my face that I clearly felt offended. Yet, my reaction was responded with: ‘I don’t get why you’re being funny about it’ and ‘why are you getting sensitive for?’
Developing a Complex
I couldn’t comprehend why this triggered such emotions in me because I had suppressed my feelings throughout my life. But the triggers eventually helped me realise that by butchering my name, my identity was also being butchered. It made me feel less valued than everyone else and that my identity was allowed to be ridiculed. Similar to the experience I went through in school.
I also noticed that throughout the years, I developed a feeling of discomfort and dread when being asked about the cultural background of my name. Even with people who were genuinely interested. I resisted to share because, in the back of my mind, I believed I was going to be made fun of or experience more microaggressions. And sometimes that was the case.
The continuous mispronunciation of my surname devalued my sense of pride towards my cultural background. This, in turn, had a negative impact on my social wellbeing and how I perceived myself amongst others. I believed people would not respect me or take me seriously because my surname was different.
Nowadays, I’m more intuned with my identity and proud of my heritage since meeting more people from a range of backgrounds that have had similar experiences. Furthermore, I am more conscious of the conversations I have around my name and aware of the importance of speaking up when it happens to others.
4 Different Mispronunciation Categories
Gerardo Ochoa talked about 4 different types of people that mispronounce names in his TED Talk ‘Getting it Right; Why Pronouncing Names Correctly Matters‘:
- Fumble Mumblers – Those who will settle with something close.
These people will attempt but won’t succeed in getting it right, only to realise that the problem is their mispronunciation and not the name. - Arrogant Mangalers – Disrespectful people who usually engage with microaggressions. They either have a blind spot or they simply don’t care to try. These repeated microaggressions can be very damaging.
- Calibrators – Respectful people who will listen to you carefully, ask how to pronounce it and try until they get it right. Calibrators are happy to stand corrected.
- Evaders – People who would rather call someone a different name than even try. They will say something like: ‘do you have a nickname?’, ‘can I just call you…?’, ‘I can’t pronounce THAT’, ‘oh, why even try’.
“As our communities become more diversified and globalised, the likelihood of meeting someone whose name we can’t pronounce is going to increase.”, Gerardo stated in his TED Talk. So if you meet someone with a name that is hard to pronounce, be respectful and try. Be a Calibrator.
Suggestions
There’s nothing wrong with mispronouncing a name you have never heard before. Especially if it comes from a language you don’t speak. It is ignorant to make fun of someone’s name and is a form of entitlement to ask them to go by something else for your own convenience. We just want our names to be met with respect.
Practice the following:
- Be humble and get out of your comfort zone of pronouncing someone’s name a way that is easier for you.
- Step in and correct someone when you hear them mispronounce someone else’s name. This can avoid future awkwardness.
- Make an effort to pronounce someone’s name and don’t be afraid to ask again. The person will appreciate it. For me, the bar is set so low that you can make my day just by doing the right thing. I remember the people who have made an effort with my name and they have left a positive lasting impression.
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