7 Life Lessons from The Power of Nunchi

Last year, I read a small yet impactful book called The Power of Nunchi: The Korean Secret to Happiness and Success by Euny Hong be took away some life lessons.

The direct translation of Nunchi (noon-chee) to English is eye-measure and it has been the guiding principle of Korean life for over 5000 years. It is known as the ‘subtle art of gauging other people’s thoughts and feelings in order to build trust, harmony and connection.’ Hong describes it as the ‘art of reading a room, relating to others, and using that awareness to get ahead.’

Hong explains in her book how Nunchi should be used by everyone in all aspects of life. ‘Korean parents believe that teaching their children nunchi is as important as crossing the road.’

Hong applies the ancient eastern principal to western society through relatable anecdotes and quotes to exemplify how we can use nunchi in our daily lives.

Some of them really resonated with me and reshaped my perspective on life.

Here are 7 life lessons from the Power of Nunchi:

1. Empty your cup, so that it may be filled – Bruce Lee

When your mind is full of assumptions about people and situations, it is hard to see what is right in front of you and to behave in the most appropriate manner. So empty your mind, to give space for valuable lessons and relationships.

2. ‘We don’t see people as they are, we see them as we are’ – Anais Nin

It’s no secret we all see and experience things differently. Our perception of what is ‘real’ is not based on what something actually is, but what we say it is. However, there are times we get so wrapped up in our own perceptions we miss what is going on in front of us. Being wrapped up in our own perceptions all the time can prevent us from understanding others and reading the room.

3. Don’t put yourself in someone else’s shoes but move. Perch yourself in a different part of them room, like a cat.

Empathy is regarded as the highest form of emotional intelligence in Western culture. It is known as putting yourself in someone else’s shoes to feel exactly what another person is feeling. However, Hong believes empathy without nunchi can be selfish and doesn’t always lead to understanding as it compromises your own ability to view the situation objectively. Nunchi, on the other hand, prompts you to ‘change location and think’. It’s better to move yourself to a different part of the room in order to see things from a different perspective whilst keeping emotionally neutral.

4. The inability to deal with awkward silences is a weakness.

Seeking out distractions through phones has become second nature to us to the point that we are uncomfortable with being fully present. Instead of checking your phone between conversations, sit in that silence and practice being comfortable with it. You will begin to notice things you haven’t noticed before and appreciate them.

5. Try drawing a circle while sitting on a rocking boat – you can’t. You’ll just end up creating jagged edges.

Hong says, ‘Western society tends to reward pushy behaviour. It makes sense: sharp-elbowed people are trying to get your attention, so of course we notice them more. But sharp-elbows create jagged edges, which lead to two results. First, those edges may cut people, whether you wanted to or not. Second, you’re giving other people an edge – a handle – to grab hold of, and they may not let go. Stay round and your interactions with others will be smooth and easy.’

This doesn’t mean be a push over or don’t stand up for yourself. It means think before you speak. The next time you find yourself in a conflict, don’t impulsively react. Instead, take a moment and ask yourself ‘what am I doing and why?’ You don’t need to have an answer to this question. Just by drawing your attention to your feelings, you will calm your mind and create more awareness. You are valuing roundness.

6. Value collectivism as equally as individualism.

Although a well-known Western saying is ‘there’s no I in Team’, we are not necessarily taught the extensive impact our behaviours have on others. In the UK, if there is a car accident, drivers will move out the way when the ambulance is coming through. In South Korea, drivers create a continuous ‘path of life’ for the ambulance way before it arrives at the scene of the accident. This is an example of collectivism. In the UK, we take any opportunity to drive in an open lane with no traffic. So if we came across the ‘path of life’ without knowing why it’s there, we would drive straight through it. This act of individualism however can leave another person in a life or death situation.

‘To value collectivism doesn’t mean you have to give up your individualism; you just have to acknowledge that you are part of a hive mind.’

7. Stay aware of when the wind might change, and be sure you change with it in order to maintain harmony in the room as a whole.

Hong mentions that ‘having quick nunchi is being able to eye-assess what is happening in the room when you arrive, and continuing to recalibrate your assessment continuously, as things change.’ Remember social situations are fluid and they can change like the winds direction. Sometimes you need to forget about what you’ve learned about behaving in a certain way in social situations to maintain harmony in the room.

An example Hong uses her book is how Queen Elizabeth II followed suit after a foreign dignitary drank from his finger bowl at a Buckingham Palace banquet. The Queen could have politely told her guest that they don’t drink from the finger bowl, but to defuse him from embarrassment, she drank from her bowl too. Those in the room with quick nunchi also began to drink from their finger bowls.